I Had to Know

(I actually finished reading the Mormon Scholars Testify site a while ago and wrote this, but then left it in draft form until today.)

I've been reading the testimonies of LDS Scholars and they're very interesting.  Many of them talk about having an experience where they had an experience that told them the truth of the Book of Mormon.  I honestly can't remember when I didn't believe the scriptures.  I feel like an idiot when I ask that question in prayer.

I do remember an event that was similar I think.  On my mission I one time felt that I had to find a street where we would find someone to teach.  One night I told myself that I was not going to get off my knees until I had a street to go to where we would find someone who wanted to hear the gospel.  After a while I absolutely knew which street we would find a "golden contact".  I went in to my companion, very excited, and told him we needed to plan the next day.  I told him I wanted to go to a new area to teach.  He said OK.  I picked the area that had my street.  We prayed for confirmation and I felt the spirit again, but I could tell my companion hadn't, not like me.

In the morning the zone leaders called.  They wanted to go on splits and they wanted me to leave the area.  I told companion not to go to "my" street.  I got back after splits in the afternoon.  We did find a golden family.  The wife was especially excited.  We set up an appointment to come back and when we showed they weren't there!  We finally found the father at home after a couple of days, and his wife had passed away.  I was shocked.  We asked if we could do anything for him and his family.  He said his congregation was helping them.  As I thought about this I probably should have offered to teach about the plan of salvation.  I wasn't inspired to, so I don't feel that bad about it.

I find this story ironic.  I'm glad that I was able to find the family I always think that we were there to help the wife and that maybe on the other side, us showing up when we did, will help her accept the gospel.  All I know is that when I absolutely had to have an answer one came powerfully.

I've always thought to myself could I walk away from the Church?  The thought literally terrifies me.  I couldn't in good conscious say in prayer to the Lord;  "You have to tell me this book is true or I'm leaving." the Lord would have to know that that's not true and never will be.